Lord, what do you mean? What does you mean by this is your body and this is your blood? Why are you only giving me half answers? Lord, who is going to take you and why can’t I come with you? I’m so tired, can I not just rest my eyes for a moment? Lord, why are you upon that cross? Why can’t you come down? Why did you leave me, Lord? Who are you?
As his body lay dangling from that cross I began to wonder if I had even been following the right path. This man who had done miracles in front of me, couldn’t even save himself. What am I to do now? I don’t have the answers and people are after me. They want me because of him. If God can betray this man who has done nothing wrong then what will He do with a sinner like me. You promised to rise again but it’s too late.
As my daughter ran to me a smile plastered all over her face and her arms raised for me to pick her up, I could only put pray for help. This was night three of Holy Week in which she had failed to get to sleep in as this was the week we decided to try her with no cot bed side. The lack of planning only coming to light as it dawned on us that Holy Week, one of the busiest weeks in the church calendar, was about to coincide with one of parenting’s hardest tasks for us. With only time for me to walk to the study and sit down before she would come running up to me I was fast running out of patience and yet I’m coming to the conclusion this is the lesson God was trying to teach me this week.
It is easy to want to skip to the end of the story with Easter. We all know it quite well, and so it is easy to become frustrated with painstakingly slow way we go about it. The end is now in sight and so is the time for some much needed family time. And it is hard to sit in the midst of uncomfortable plotlines and even more uncomfortable emotions. A celebration is a much better way to be spending the long weekend ahead and so let’s skip the bit in the middle.
Patience is something as a parent you need in abundance at times, and when it begins to run out the wisdom to walk away and strengthen your resolve. As I entered this week tired and unprepared I perhaps wasn’t expecting to find wisdom in one of the hardest things I have faced as a parent. I’m not even sure I was prepared to be blown away by this Holy Week, more one of hoping to get through it.
The disciples were not always patient. They wanted to know the end of the story without going through the rest of it. Their questions answered without fully understanding what they had asked. They were about to witness something profound but at times their eyes were too heavy to witness it, and they were frustrated that they didn’t know how to change the world. God had a plan to change the world, but He required for us to wait. And in part we are still waiting for Jesus to come back.
Patience was my lesson for this Holy Week. The patience to read the story and partake in Holy Week in ways I hadn’t before. Being patient in waiting for God to show me what I need and not the other way round. And the patience to help my daughter to bed. It is not and has not been easy but as her face runs round that corner again, I pray to the Lord for strength, for patience, knowing she is learning from me that sometimes not only do we sometimes require patience off each other, God also sometimes needs us to be patient with Him.