This wasn’t the first post I had planned to write post Greenbelt, nor the first post I would write in a while but this is something I needed to work through.
Doubt has been an emotion I have been battling recently. As a first time Mum I suppose in some respects it comes with the territory: am I providing my baby with enough food/ sleep/ attention/ social interactions/ experiences. No matter how much I seem to give it always feels like one area is lacking. A recent move has led to more doubts as there is more time to dwell on things. And as my husband settles into his new role I find myself questioning. I knew this was never going to be easy but am I up to the task?
So I entered Greenbelt in need. In need of spiritual, social and personal growth. And Greenbelt provided. A weekend ensued with plenty of laughter, good music, times of inspiration and the celebration of the impending marriage of two of our closest friends. I finally felt to some extent at peace and ready to continue the work on myself.
Then less than 24 hours later one small, almost inconsequential comment began to tear down the walls that had begun to form. I found myself justifying myself in my head. Did I have the right to wear what I wore, am I good mum, am I a good enough Christian?
Luckily some of the renewed confidence Greenbelt had instilled in me remained. I fought the doubts knowing that a snapshot of my life does not express all the amazing achievements I have made. From a masters in pharmacy to a happy, healthy baby. Now is not the time for judgement, it is not healthy.
The world is full of judgement; from Mums berating other Mums on the Internet for not being super mum, or that our children are not always perfect but human in their own right. To students failing to achieve all that is expected from succeeding in their studies, social lives as well as working and volunteering, making sure the older generation know they are not as lazy as they are perceived. To where faith and beliefs are the wrong ones. Judgment is on every street corner and in every home.
Greenbelt provided a non-judgemental bubble for just a short time. I was comfortable and accepted. As my baby grows I pray the world accepts them for who they are, never having to apologise for that. I pray that they love and accept all those around them, whether they understand or not. A world of acceptance and respect. A world with no assumptions. For if I am to be judged let it be by God.